


at arm's length

by nowrunalong



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Conversations, F/F, Fix-It, Other Past/Future Relationships Implied, Pining, Pre-Relationship, Season/Series 05
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-29
Updated: 2020-09-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:47:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26451322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nowrunalong/pseuds/nowrunalong
Summary: Five separate conversations all point Maze in the same direction.
Relationships: Linda Martin/Mazikeen (Lucifer TV)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 38
Collections: pine4pine 2020





	at arm's length

**Author's Note:**

  * For [firecat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/firecat/gifts).



> May contain spoilers for season 5! This fic takes place during 5x06 when the ladies hit up a rave at Lux, because they don't all get to be in the same room very often and I'll take what I can get.
> 
> Fic title nabbed from Cinnamon Girl by Lana Del Rey, which screams Mazikeen to me.

Maze’s attention is drifting, her mind going peacefully blank until all she can feel is the flashing lights and the sound of the bass reverberating through her body, and—

“—that’s why I can’t have a Capricorn as a therapist.”

Maze nods, a short movement that jolts her brain awake. “Uh-huh," she says quickly, like she’d never stopped listening. “Right.”

“Plus, Capricorn’s sign is a goat. That probably means something. Like, probably that she isn’t trustworthy anyway.”

For a brief moment, Maze almost barks out a laugh. Amenadiel would appreciate this with her; Lucifer hates the goat thing. Just the thought of Lucifer makes her jaw clench in anger tonight, though.

“Not trustworthy,” she repeats. “You dedicate your life to them, your loyalty, and they leave you like you’re nothing.”

“Yeah, and I’m literally paying for her to help me with my problems, but I told her the story about Eileen and she said that maybe it was my fault? I’m the one who _didn't_ get invited to Eileen’s bachelorette party. And then—”

“You pay someone to listen to you?”

Karen blinks. “Well, yeah. She’s expensive, too. She was supposed to be good. But it was Eileen who recommended her, so she obviously thought—”

Maze tunes out again and frowns, pensive. Linda is a therapist. Should Maze be paying her? Linda’s never asked for anything in return.

It’s good, Maze thinks, to have someone who’ll listen to her for free. Surely that’s what a friend is. Maybe what Karen needs is a friend, not a therapist. Or a friend who is a therapist. Someone smart and nice who knows all about that emotion stuff. She needs a Linda.

Maze wonders if Linda is a Capricorn. She’d never been much for remembering human birthdates. She remembers years, here and there. There are no months or days in Hell. There are no seasons. Everything had been the same for millenia. But now—

—but now Lucifer is different, and Amenadiel is different, and Maze has been left behind.

She wants to go back. She wants to go forward. She wants to go _somewhere_ , damn it, so long as someone else is with her.

Linda would know what to do now. Linda always has something smart to say. Something she’d learned from living life as a human, or from one of her books.

Maze scans the crowd and locates Chloe and Ella at opposite sides of the club, but Linda is nowhere to be seen.

* * *

“I don’t get it,” Maze says, leaning against the rail. She looks over at Ella. “You’re so… nice. You can’t really think _that_ —” she jabs her chin in the direction of the sleazebag she’d found Ella making out with “—is the best you can do.”

“Okay, well, I don’t know about _best_ ,” Ella says. “But… it’s like I can’t help myself. No matter what I do, I just keep falling into the same pattern.” She leans next to Maze and shakes her head.

Something gnaws at Maze from the inside, and she grips the rail tighter.

“If a girl like you can’t find someone, then how is someone like me supposed to find love?”

“Aww, Maze. You are too sweet. I mean,” Ella adds, at Maze’s shocked face, “don’t get me wrong, you’re definitely still scary. But like sweet and scary at the same time, because I know you have a big softie heart inside.” She places a hand on Maze’s arm. “Look. If there’s one thing I know, it’s that we all have love in our lives. Sometimes it’s harder to see, or you need to, you know—” Ella waves her hands about “—open yourself up to it. But it’s there, Maze.”

“I am open.” Maze gestures at herself. The smiley face tee she’d borrowed from Ella’s closet glows like radioactive waste beneath the equally garish purple hoodie. “This is me, being open.”

“This is you being me,” Ella corrects her. “You need to be yourself. You know, you have to let people see you—the good, the bad, and the scary. When you find someone who accepts everything about you…” She shakes her head. “Man, hang on to that one.”

Everyone who sees Maze for who she is pushes her away. They leave her. They _abandon_ her. Lucifer. Chloe. Eve. That soulless bitch Lilith.

Linda would say this was all about her mother.

These days, it feels like Linda is the only one she can trust. Well, and Chloe’s kid. Maybe friendship and loyalty skipped a generation in that family.

Yeah, Linda’s just about the only one left that she can trust—but even Linda hadn’t wanted her. Maze had tried to be there for Linda. For the baby. For Amenadiel, too. It had been a new feeling: a feeling of belonging. Of being a part of a family. But it hadn’t lasted.

Maze isn’t really family. She’s a visitor, just passing through.

Whenever she’s with Linda, she doesn’t want to leave. Being at her side feels more comfortable than anything else ever has.

( _Comfortable_. Maze hadn’t known the meaning of the word before now.)

* * *

Maze looks at Chloe and remembers kissing her. They could have had something good. It wasn’t real: Maze had known from the beginning that it was always going to end, sooner or later. But it could have been later. It _could_ have been good.

“Why did you push me away?”

“What?” Chloe says. She removes her sunglasses and places them in the pocket of her leopard-print jacket.

“You could have ended things without avoiding me completely. I thought we were friends, Chloe. I thought we were helping each other.”

Chloe frowns. “We were helping each other avoid our problems, Maze.”

“What’s so bad about that?”

“Well, after a while… that wasn’t what I needed. And I don’t think it’s what you needed, either.”

“You don’t know what I needed because you never asked.”

Maze isn’t sure where this is coming from, but she realizes it’s true when she says it. She thinks that Linda would be proud of her for being open about her feelings. For being able to put them into words, even.

“I know,” Chloe says. “I’m sorry, Maze. It’s just, with everything going on…” She trails off, her attention caught by someone else, somewhere else. “Can we talk about this later?”

Maze shrugs. “Whatever,” she says. Chloe is already moving away.

Maze wants to tell Linda what she’d told Chloe just now. Linda always listens—always makes Maze feel like she’s been heard. Like she isn’t completely alone.

* * *

“Hey,” Maze says, sitting down beside her best friend on the couch where she’d fallen asleep. “Long night?” She looks down at Linda’s sleeping face. “Hey! Linda!” she tries, a little more loudly. Nothing. A man moves to sit on the other end of the couch, and Maze glares at him. With a jump, he turns on his heel and skitters toward the doors. “You get some rest,” Maze tells Linda. “I won’t let anyone bother you.”

Maze sits silently for a minute, watching people exit behind her.

“I think I figured something out tonight, Linda,” she says eventually. “So many of these humans… they end up with partners who don’t even care about them. They choose that over being alone. And the stupid thing is, I understand why they do it. Because… being alone is harder than being with someone else, even if that person doesn’t give a shit about what you want.

“I spent an hour talking to this girl named Karen. Her problems were so boring. Even Chloe has got more going on. And the whole time, she never asked anything about me. I don’t even think she remembers my name.”

Linda’s eyes are still closed peacefully. She snores softly as she inhales.

“I would rather be alone than be with someone who doesn’t care. Lucifer, and Chloe, and…” _And Lilith_ , Maze doesn’t say. “I don’t need them. I have you.”

“Have me where?” Linda mumbles.

“Linda?”

“Maze… Where am I?”

“You’re at Lux. Girls’ night, remember?”

Linda pulls herself halfway upright. “Oh.”

“Are you okay?”

“Mm. I’m glad you’re here. I think I need… an Uber. Can you call an Uber?”

Maze smiles. “Don’t worry. I’ll make sure you get home safe.”

Linda’s head falls back against the cushion. “You’re a good friend, Maze,” she says, and promptly begins snoring again.

Maze brushes a strand of hair from Linda’s face with her fingertips and reaches for her phone.

She’ll get Linda back home. Back to her family—to Charlie and Amenadiel. She’ll stand guard until the sun rises, and she’ll leave before Charlie wakes.

If being alone hurts more than being with someone who doesn’t love her, being with Linda hurts even more than that.

Maze is used to pain. Most of the time, she likes it—craves it. This is a different sort of hurt than a dagger wound, than being slammed against a brick wall, than fingernails digging into her skin, but it’s nothing she can’t handle.

Linda is here. Linda hasn’t left her. So long as Maze gets to see her, to care for her—

The Uber pulls up to the curb and Maze lifts Linda into her arms, off the couch and towards the door.

When they arrive at Linda’s house, Maze wants nothing more than to be invited inside as a part of her family. As someone who is allowed, unconditionally, to stay.

She keeps her vigil until the first rays of sunlight reach the east-facing windows, and then she leaves, closing the door silently behind her. Longing twists its fingers into her heart and squeezes like a chokehold.

It’s nothing she can’t handle.

* * *

“Maze,” Amenadiel says, appearing before her in the street. The sunlight at his back traces a golden silhouette around his stupid angelic figure. “Heading home so early?”

 _Leaving home_ , Maze thinks. She looks Amenadiel in the eye and doesn’t answer.

“I’m glad you have Linda’s back,” Amenadiel says. “She’s glad, too. She’s told me many times that she’s grateful to have a friend like you in her life.”

Maze says nothing still. Her fingers curl into claws, strangling the thoughts and feelings she can’t give voice to.

“I think I know what you need, Maze. What you’ve been looking for.”

“You don’t.”

“Stay for breakfast.”

Maze nearly recoils in surprise. “What?”

“Linda is going to make pancakes.” Amenadiel smiles kindly. “If you have someplace else to be, I understand.”

“I have lots of places to be,” Maze says, a little too loudly.

Amenadiel is unruffled. “Okay,” he agrees. “I’ll tell Linda we’ll see you later, then.”

“Later.” Maze says it like _goodbye_. She doesn’t turn to leave, however. Neither does Amenadiel. “Is this invitation from you,” Maze asks, “or is it from Linda?” She says it like she doesn’t care. She isn’t fooled by her lie, however. Neither is Amenadiel.

“Linda,” Amenadiel says. “And me.”

Perhaps, Maze thinks, she can trust him, too.

Amenadiel moves past her toward the front door without looking back, holding it open when he reaches the threshold as if he knows without a doubt that Maze is right behind him. 

New hope dulls the pain of the knives in her back.

Linda greets her inside.


End file.
